some things are better left unsaid

he tells me: you do not need to
feel so strongly about everything.
i say: yes. yes i do
because i do not know any other way
to feel.
what i have inside me,
that's all i know.
that's all i have.

don't let me hate it.
don't take this away
from me.

"three years later, a new girl sits cross-legged on your bed.
she tastes like a different flavor of bubblegum than you are used to.
she opens up your drawer and a folded picture of us falls out.

you say: i dated her a while back.
what you don't say: her scent still lingers around.

you say: she was beautiful.
what you don't say: she warmed the winters in my bones.

you say: it's nothing now. we've moved on.
what you don't say: but it was everything back then."

romance is born

2015: December

December was a month of openings,
of letting the sun sink through my skin and
finding out nothing has been missing all along.

Morning came and brought with it a thousand miracles
of light and I am here, in it.
And I am healing.
And I am miles away from where I
wish to be.

But I am here.

// I know these will all be stories someday.
And our pictures will become old photographs.
And we'll all become someone's mom or dad.
But right now these moments are not stories.
This is happening. I am here and I am looking at him.
I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story.
You are alive. //

- Perks of being a wallflower

my neck is missing your kisses

I know that I can't make you feel better all the time. I know that I can't take away your sadness and replace it with happiness, I know that. But if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. I know that I can't fix you completely, but I'll love you with every broken piece there is to you. I know you sometimes think that you aren't enough, that you don't deserve anything but baby you deserve love. You deserve my love and I'm always going to be here loving you. I wouldn't want to have it any other way, I wouldn't want to have anyone else but you. I promise to love you with each and every part of me, so that when there's still love left over, you can use that to fill up the voids inside of yourself so you have no choice but to self love.

I love you.

take me home

8.02pm // 8.11pm

while i lay here waiting to hear from you, i can't help thinking about what my life has become when you became a part of it.
waiting and wanting you has been the focus of my thoughts these days.
you give me reasons to wake up in the morning and smile.
smiling for no particular reason.
as days go by i feel myself growing fonder and closer.
i've never felt this way.
i dont ever want to lose this feeling, i dont ever want to lose you.
wherever this road may take us, always know you are in my skins // bones.
life hasn't been grateful to me, until there was you.

october

throwback to this period of my life where its all just about new sights,

good vibes and speaking to strangers. no judgement, no assignments, no bad feels.

//visited perth, western australia for 3 weeks//

perth was beautiful, travelling opens my heart to many

i am going to get out of here again and explore the world

2014: october {fall}

october was rebuilding the wreckage from the storm

with two good hands

and desire settling in my heart.

there is tenderness in the way

flowers still grow in cracked

sidewalks.

there is bravery in standing in the belly

of a cloud with nothing but the wind

howling in your chest

to keep you moving forward.

it's not so bad, after all

picture this;

you're standing at the tongue tip edge of

wherever you are,

whatever this is,

and from here you can almost see everything.

lovers waking up next to each other,

a child discovering art

with her hands,

a lonely park bench finding company

in a weathered man,

the sun whispering light through windows.

picture this;

you're standing at the edge of the shore

with every wave crashing at your feet,

with every breath in your lungs

exhaling you alive,

and you look around,

and isn't it beautiful?

my god,

its beautiful.

a three letter word for the voice that haunts

your words carved bullet wounds into my chest

and the wolves that sleep in the forest of my heart

howled as they bled the colour of nothing.

you once asked me if i had a name for monster

that lives in my head.

i do, i said.

i named it after you.

//

on lights like these i open my window and feel

the icy air sting my skin

and i think of the first time

i fell in love.

it was the first time i fell and enjoyed the pain

as my knees bled and my chest caved in.

it was the first time

i lit a match to my soul just so i could be the sun for you.

you would bloom and i would burn

until i couldn't recognise my hands anymore.

until i looked in the mirror and saw nothing but

hollow eyes filled with

ash and smoke.