something about you

it's past midnight and the stitches that have held me together for so long are about to unravel itself and hundreds of words that i have been wanting to say will all come tumbling out. my words will form a puddle at my feet and my tears will cause the sea levels to rise. it's past midnight and what i'm trying to say is that i think i have lost myself again. it's just past midnight and maybe i should sleep for awhile.

growing up, we learned to protect ourselves. we made sure that we had wrist made of steel and that our bones were made of diamonds. we taught our skin to be tough, to be able to take the cuts and bruises that life brings. we grew up with people telling us to repeat the phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" in our heads, over and over again. little did they know how wrong they were because while we made our exterior tough, we forgot about hearts and our minds. we forgot about how our hearts can still break and our minds can still replay conversations and events over and over and over again. they know that we forgot, so instead of hurling sticks and stones, they threw words of hatred, of anger. we're a bit older now, and we have learnt to keep our hearts and minds bulletproof but there are still days when words of hurt and pain will find a way into our insides. we're older now, so the words that hurt us are no longer "bitch" and "ugly" instead they are "i don't love you anymore" and "it was never you".

i don't love you anymore.
i don't love you anymore.
i don't love you anymore.
it was never you.

you see,
sticks and stones may break my bones but sometimes words will rip my insides to shreds. stick and stones may break my bones but sometimes words will leave me lying on my bedroom floor hoping that the world will swallow me whole. sticks and stones may break my bones but sometimes words will break my heart, and let me tell you bones breaking hurts less than your heart shattering into pieces.