22

i'm turning 22, and i have never fallen in love.

i want it, i crave it, but i'm also scared of it. i'm scared i'm going
to get distracted or i'm going to lose myself when i fall in love. and when i fall,
i fall hard. i have seen a little glimpse of myself in relationships,
and i don't like that person i become. i see
myself texting the guy all day and spend too much time
worrying if he really likes me or not.

in the past, i have wasted so much time investing in someone, hoping that feelings will
develop, i changed things about myself so i could be more appealing and
stripped away pieces of myself for the benefit of others.
during this time, i was scared of getting my heart broken, but what i ended up doing
was hurting myself even more.

people fear being alone, but what i think they really fear is themselves. why does
being alone carry such negative vibe? why is it that when people find out
you're alone, they feel sorry for you?

once i stopped looking for a relationship, a beautiful thing happened. i discovered who i was,
i started focusing on the things that made me happy.
//next month, i got to travel with my best friend. i am looking forward to it//