it's hard

and i know sometimes it's hard.
how you wake up in the morning only to feel every synonym for heavy
and it takes everything you've got to find the strength to walk out the door.

and i know sometimes it hurt.
how you want to scratch your way out of your own skin
but there's something hidden beneath and you are terrified to find out what.

5.13 am // 5.21 am

loneliness hits me at the most peculiar moments in my life. like right now.
the air is thick and my chest is tightening and i'm not sure what you can call this
except it hurts and burns at the back of my throat.
sometimes i feel like we're all itching for a hand to hold
and most often we all end up holding the wrong hand. i don't know what to call
this feeling. is there a name for it? sometimes it washes over me in waves and i feel
like i'm in a different universe. in this universe i don't know how to swim
so i'm drowning in an ocean without water.
what do you call that?
tell me.